The Severe Beating of a Gundam Wimp (Quatre)
by Monogatari no Shiori
Summary: Quatre gets the beatdown he deserves. Even if you like Quatre, this is still funny!
1. Version 0.1

My big brother, Peregrine, wrote this.  He's a Quatre hater, and for some reason thinks the Tallgeese is the coolest Mobile Suite/Gundam (he's wrong, of course.  Epyon is the coolest.)  Peregrine said he would probably rewrite this to include other characters from Gundam Wing.  If you have something against Quatre beat downs, like I do, just remember to keep an open mind.  This is actually really funny.  On with the fic! 
    
    In the unseen episode 50 of Gundam Wing, Wufei kills Quatre in a bloody orgy of violence!
    
    Quatre - Hey Wufei!  Let's go have a picnic!  The sun is shining, the birds are singing...
    
    (Sound of a shotgun...)
    
    Wufei - Not anymore.
    
    Quatre - Why can't you be at peace!?!  Can't we all just get along?
    
    Wufei - You are weak.  Thus, you must die.
    
    Quatre - WHAT!?!?!
    
    Wufei - The weak do not deserve to live.  Besides, Sandrock sucks.
    
    Quatre - I will not fight you!  Even if you insult my beloved Sandrock! (whisper - don't worry Sandrock! I still love you!)
    
    Wufei - Suit yourself.  Hai!!!!
    
    (Sounds of a beatdown)
    
    Quatre - AHHH!!! You just broke my arm!
    
    Wufei - Pansy-wuss.  Take the pain!!!
    
    Quatre - MY SPLEEN!!!!!!!!
    
    Wufei - Do you need your mommy?  Oh wait, she's dead! HAHAHAHA!
    
    Quatre - Please...don't hurt me...
    
    (Heero, Duo, and Trowa walk by)
    
    Heero - What's going on?
    
    Duo - Looks like Quatre's trying to reattach his arm...
    
    Trowa - Hmmm.
    
    Heero - Hey Wufei, need any help?
    
    Wufei - Well, he does tend to crawl away after awhile. Could you hold him down for me?
    
    All - Sure!
    
    Quatre - NO!!!! Please, help me!
    
    Heero - "I'll kill you."
    
    (All except Quatre burst out laughing.)
    
    (Relena walks by)
    
    Quatre - Relena, you'll help me, won't you???
    
    Relena - Sorry, but my country is neutral.  I can only lodge a formal statement of protest.  Hope you have a common blood type...(walks away)
    
    Quatre - ARGHHHH!!!!(He gurgles, then falls silent)
    
    Duo - I didn't know anyone could bleed that much blood!
    
    Trowa - Hey, everyone!  Let's use Sandrock as target practice!  I just added another 5 guns and 20 rockets (see Endless Waltz version Heavyarms) to Heavyarms, and I can't wait to try them out.
    
    All - Sure!
    
    Duo - After that, we can chase down those Casablanca wannabes, you know, the Maganacs.
    
    Heero - Yeah, they always seemed like a bunch of freaks.  I mean, they pilot around glorified Leos, for Cripes sake!
    
    Wufei - Yeah, I always hated those weaklings.

To be continued...

Funny, ne?  (MY SPLEEN! Hehehe!)  Story donated by Peregrine.  I'll have to bug him to write some more (hehehe, I'm going to enjoy bugging him!)  Ja ne, minna!


	2. Version 0.2

Ok, this is the longer version of my bro's fanfic.  Oh, and I'd like to respond to some of the reviews I've been getting.  First of all, does everyone here know what OOC means?  It means Out Of Character.  Take the hint, those of you who criticized the first chapter for this.  Next is PWP, which is Plot?What Plot?  There is _no_ point to this fic.  My bro and I are just making fun of the Gundam Characters.  This does _not_ mean that we have anything against Gundam Wing or any of its characters (well, except for my brother.  He hates Quatre and Wufei, but that's him.)  Once again, this was written by my big bro and not me.  
    
    In the unseen episode 50 of Gundam Wing, Wufei
    
    kills Quatre in a bloody orgy of violence!
    
    **Quatre** - Hey Wufei!  Let's go have a picnic!  The sun
    
    is shining, the birds are singing...
    
    (Sound of a shotgun.  Feathers begin to float down.)
    
    **Wufei** - Not anymore.
    
    **Quatre** - Why can't you be at peace!?!  Can't we all
    
    just get along?
    
    **Wufei** - You are weak.  Thus, you must die.
    
    **Quatre** - WHAT!?!?!
    
    **Wufei** - The weak do not deserve to live.  Besides,
    
    Sandrock sucks.
    
    **Quatre** - I will not fight you!  Even if you insult my
    
    beloved Sandrock! (whisper - don't worry Sandrock! I
    
    still love you!)
    
    **Wufei** - Suit yourself.  Hai!!!!
    
    (Sounds of a beatdown)
    
    **Quatre** - AHHH!!! You just broke my arm!
    
    **Wufei** - Pansy-wuss.  Take the pain!!!
    
    **Quatre** - MY SPLEEN!!!!!!!!
    
    **Wufei** - Do you need your mommy?  Oh wait, she's dead!
    
    HAHAHAHA!
    
    **Quatre** - Please...don't hurt me...
    
    (Heero, Duo, and Trowa walk by)
    
    **Heero** - What's going on?
    
    **Duo** - Looks like Quatre's trying to reattach his
    
    arm...
    
    **Trowa** - Hmmm.
    
    **Duo** – So, uh, Wufei.  Why exactly are you beating the crap out of Quatre?
    
    **Wufei** – He is weak.  Thus, he must be taught a lesson in pain.
    
    **Trowa** – Hmmm.
    
    **Duo** – Uh, does it have to be so…painful?
    
    **Wufei** – Of course.  Why, are you disturbed by it?  Are you weak as well?!?
    
    **Duo** – Oh no!  I'm not weak, I'm the God of Death.  It's just that it seems a bit excessive…
    
    (During this time, Quatre has been slowly dragging himself away.)
    
    **Wufei** – Hey, where the hell do you think you're going?
    
    (Wufei grabs Quatre by his legs and drags him back.  The beatings continue.)
    
    **Duo** – Maybe we should help Quatre, I mean, he is one of us…
    
    **Heero** – No.  He probably asked for it, anyway.  Let's just watch.
    
    (Dorothy walks by)
    
    **Dorothy** – Hmm, what do we have here?
    
    **Heero** – Wufei is beating Quatre into a bloody pulp.
    
    **Dorothy** – OOOH!  I just love a good fight!  Let me see!
    
    (Wufei is tying Quatre's broken arms into a pretzel.)
    
    **Dorothy** – Hey Quatre!  Get him into a headlock!
    
    **Duo** – What's with that girl?
    
    **Dorothy** – Rah rah rah!  Go Wufei!  Oh, I just love the sound of combat in the morning!
    
    **Duo** – Hey Dorothy!  Why don't you go watch some professional wrestling or something.
    
    **Dorothy** – Good idea!  This fight is going nowhere.  Mmmm…I hope Tyson is on…
    
    (Dorothy runs off)
    
    **Duo** – Man, there is something wrong with that girl.  She must have some sort of testosterone imbalance.  I mean, look at those hairy eyebrows!  They're almost a unibrow!
    
    (Relena walks by)
    
    **Quatre** - Relena, you'll help me, won't you???
    
    **Relena** - Sorry, but my country is neutral.  I can only
    
    lodge a formal statement of protest.  Hope you have a
    
    common blood type...(walks away)
    
    **Quatre** - ARGHHHH!!!!(He gurgles, then falls silent)
    
    **Duo** - I didn't know anyone could bleed that much!  I think I'm gonna be sick!
    
    **Wufei** – Let that be a lesson you won't forget.
    
    **Trowa** – I think you've gone overboard this time, Wufei.
    
    **Duo** – (Oh, like all those other times weren't overboard…)
    
    **Wufei** – What is this?  Are you challenging me, clown boy?  Well, are you?  Come on, carnie, show me you're not a coward!
    
    **Trowa** – No one calls me a carnie!
    
    **Heero** – Easy Trowa.  Don't let him get to you.
    
    **Trowa** – No one calls me a carnie.  Not since Ernie Garfunkle in the 5th grade…you'll pay for that!
    
    **Wufei** – Bring it on.
    
    To be continued...


End file.
